Ten fun minutes with Terrell Owens

You can accomplish a great many things during a 10-minute phone call. A long-distance Mother’s Day celebration. A romantic breakup and makeup. Even a New York Times crossword puzzle.

But 600 seconds isn’t a heckuva lot of time when you’re yukking it up with enigmatic Dallas Cowboys wideout Terrell Owens about his far-from-dull offseason — from his weepy season-ending news conference to his appearance on Flavor Flav’s new sitcom, as well as other topics that fall under “weird stuff that no man in the history of the world is more qualified to discuss.”

The impetus for this interview was Owens’ involvement in MyNetworkTV’s “Under One Roof,” a sitcom starring Public Enemy hype man/reality TV star/all-around weirdo Flavor Flav. Flav plays Calvester Hill, an ex-convict who moves in with his wealthy, conservative brother Winston (Kelly Perine) and proceeds to shake things up. Shaking things up in the episode airing Wednesday at 8 p.m.: Owens, who received a rousing ovation when he arrived on the series’ Vancouver set in late April to film his role as Sean Hill, a long-lost brother in search of investors for a shady online venture.

The dramatic question, of course, is this: Is Sean an actual relative with a sweet investment opportunity or is he nothing more than a con man?

The real question, though, is … who cares? It’s T.O. and Flav, baby! Besides, when a clock-minding network publicist is monitoring your chat with the NFL’s most colorful employee in what you’re surprised to learn is a three-way call, three rules must be strictly followed: Keep on your toes, keep it to 10 minutes and skip the small stuff to focus on really important matters — like potential gifts for the rumored Jessica Simpson-Tony Romo wedding.

Media Blitz: Let’s jump right in. This is awesome news. Terrell Owens and Flavor Flav. You have to admit, that’s a wacky combo, no?

Owens: Well, you never know. That’s not going to be the [last] of wacky combos you’re going to hear of. And that’s an FYI, hint-hint, so to speak. But Flavor Flav, he produced his own show, “Under One Roof” …

Hold on, what’s this “FYI, hint-hint” business?

(Laughs) It’s a little business venture that I’ve got going on that’s going to shock a lot of people.

And? What is it?

Naw, can’t say right now. It’s something that’s in the works.

Fine. So, how did you hook up with Flavor Flav?

I have a friend who does casting in L.A. I met her through a friend, Jamie Foxx. We kept in touch over the years. She cast me a few years ago for this movie “Playmakers.” It was something different than the TV show that was airing at the time, and it fell through because of funding. But she said she’d keep me in mind. She went off a hunch, being around me and my personality, which a lot of people don’t get to see — they only get to see my football side. But off that alone, being around me, she said I could do acting.

Even doing my first little movie with Oliver Stone, “Any Given Sunday,” being exposed to Al Pacino, Cameron Diaz, LL Cool J and Jamie Foxx, I kind of watched from afar and thought, “Man, maybe I can do that one day.” So this is her showing me I can get my feet wet if I want to really pursue acting seriously after football. I think everybody that was there, the producers, the [assistant directors], they said I did well. I try to make it believable. Everybody from the director to the cast, they said I did a good job, but they’re not going to tell me I did a bad job. Let’s see how it looks on camera.

(Glances at the clock) Were you a fan of Flavor Flav’s work before this?

Woooooowwww. (Note: This was said in a normal speaking voice.)

Sorry?

That’s all I remember from Flavor Flav when we first met. Dude, it was so funny. He came into the room and he went exactly like that: “Woooooowwww.” You know? He was like, “I’m a big fan of yours. I’ve been a Cowboys fan since the [Roger] Staubach days. Just a fanatic football fan, and a Cowboys fan.” I mean, dude, he was so funny ’cause he went on for like 20 minutes, you know, and with his New York accent. I mean, 20 minutes!

Really, he was very sincere, very humble just to meet me. And I was like, “Dude.” I’d never personally met him. I followed him, I heard of him, I know of him, this and that. But from that initial moment alone — and the following day we did a table read, and that was so much fun and so refreshing. It was a comforting thing. The cast made me so, so comfortable that I was able to bring my character to life.

What are your thoughts on Flavor Flav’s reality dating show, “Flavor of Love?”

I mean, I’ve heard reviews about it, a lot of people talking about it. But, dude, I’m always out or in the gym, working out or playing basketball or doing something during those mainstream hours of 7 o’clock or 8 o’clock. I’m never really at the house sitting around watching TV, so I always missed it. Even now I have to get my assistant to DVR the show so I can pull it up and watch it. [But] definitely I’m going to make myself available for Wednesday.

You going to invite the boys over? Do some sort of screening party with popcorn?

(Laughs) I’m not sure. In Dallas, I’m pretty sure the guys will know I’ll be on [television] Wednesday. And if I’m here in Miami, I’m going to watch it here and be in awe of my own self.

In other TV news, the Cowboys will be the subject of HBO’s NFL training camp reality series, “Hard Knocks” …

Yeah, I just heard we’re going to be doing that this year.

The Cowboys have some personalities: you, the QB and his pop-star lady friend, Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson. Is it just me, or is this going to be the best TV series of all time?

Oh man, it’s going to be TV history all over again every Wednesday or whenever they’re [airing] the show. It’s going to be funny, man. It’s going to be very competitive, I know that. Once you get into practice, the last thing guys are going to be worried about is hamming it up for the cameras. I’m sure there’ll be some crazy moments though. You can have a different star on any given day. But if I’m going to be out there, I’m definitely going to have to be the star of the show.

What do you think, are we going to see the first “Hard Knocks” wedding? The Simpson-Romo nuptials?

(Laughs) I don’t know. That’d be interesting. I just hope I get invited.

But didn’t you two mend fences, you and Jessica?

(Silence) What’s that?

You joked on the radio last season that Jessica Simpson cursed your team when she attended a Cowboys game. Are you two cool now?

Oh, yeah. That whole debacle episode was totally blown out of proportion. I even called Tony on my way home that day and explained to him what was said and just the context or tone of what was said. As I explained to him, there was a bunch of laughter, this and that, and people made something out of nothing. I ended up meeting Jessica and, you know, we hung out at the Pro Bowl and all that good stuff. So it’s all water under the bridge.

Publicist: One more question, Sam.

What was that?

Go ahead.

(Looks at clock, does quick math in his head) How about maybe three more questions?

Publicist: Very fast.

(Talks faster) Jessica Simpson wrote a song about Romo for her new album …

Oh really?

Yeah. If she wanted to sing that song at a game, would you approve?

I mean, I’m all for it. Whatever she needs to do to promote her album. That’s part of her life. That’s part of their life. Obviously Tony means a lot to her for her to sing a song about him. That just goes to show you the newfound love they have for each other and how much they care about each other. So, dude, I have no problem. All I’m saying is, I can still make a joke about it, make light of the situation or whatever, and people will take that and run with it. But like I said, I’ve met Jessica and, you know, we’ve exchanged pleasantries or what not, and we’re cool. No harm, no foul, nothing.

What are your thoughts on the Cowboys’ offseason — like, say, the arrival of Pacman Jones and all his baggage and the team’s pursuit of Chad Johnson?

Oh, man. You know what? It’s double trouble. And that sounds like a negative, but it’s double trouble in a positive sense. We got one of the two, but if you bring both of those guys in? Pacman’s going to bring a lot of defensive presence at the cornerback position, and he brings an added spark with his return ability. And if we add Chad? Oh my god. Chad on one side and me on the other? It’s like, dude, who you going to cover? And we got Jason Witten? And we got Marion the Barbarian [Barber]? I mean, geez, pencil us in for the Super Bowl.

Final question: In that press conference, you cried while defending your quarterback’s performance in that season-ending playoff loss and his trip to Cancun the week before. When you finally got a chance to see it, what did you think? Did your reaction surprise you? Were you embarrassed?

Well, being that I know who I am, and how genuine I am, no, it didn’t surprise me. I think I’m a sensitive person. And everybody has a sensitive side. It’s just about whether you’re open to sharing it or not. At that particular time, it wasn’t anything I had any control over. Given that situation, I would do it again. Tony’s my quarterback. He’s been supportive of me. I’ve been supportive of him. We’ve established a great relationship, and that’s what it’s all about. And if you want to compare that to the other quarterback situations I’ve had — I’m going to bat for anybody who goes to bat for me.

Right on, T.O. I hope to see you at the Simpson-Romo wedding. (Reporter slips in another question.) Have you given any thought to their wedding gift?

Oh, of course. I’m probably going to bring them a life-size statue of myself.

(Laughs, very hard) Thanks T.O. I appreciate your time.

All right, thanks man.Here